| Rebecca 的个人资料│wawa.│: 十二月，十二月......照片日志列表 |  工具  帮助 |
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5月28日 今天 我在悉尼呆了刚好整整一天不多一天不少的两年。所以今天算个纪念日。或许不是太有意义，可是去年今天根本没记起来，所以今年补一下，好歹我也是个习惯算年头的人。两年前今天一大早到机场的时候，我可是短袖加短裙勇敢无比，如今年纪大了，都得用热水袋了。那时候两个行李箱好不轻松，一副可留可走的样子，如今根扎深了，大小家具行李硬是得装6、7个花冠，还得事先扔不少。
我在新家呆了刚好整整一天不多一天不少的一天。所以今天又算个纪念日。我总算是熬过这段找房子、搬家、挂彩兼打工、生病还通宵赶assignment的日子。我总算活得像个人样了。我总算可以睡个好觉了。还意外发现新的房间比以前的大好多，于是我一鼓作气把它布置得比以前也美好多。从今以后不再是city的人了，得试着习惯。
我在Maldini's Caffe打工刚好整整一天不多一天不少的13个星期。所以今天还算个纪念日。我已经领了13次薪水，还真能把自己养活。我知道了flat white和latte的区别，找到了自己最爱的hazelnut latte，研究了十种sandwich的配置和pasta的吃法，发现了三种最爱的意大利简餐，总结了N种绝对不碰的甜点。
我离回家的日子还有刚好整整一天不多一天不少的一个月。所以今天还是个开始倒数的日子。我又有盼头了。我有一个月的时间培养伤感的情绪，酝酿感慨的泪水。因为我已经好长时间忘了怎么煽情怎么惆怅怎么称兄道弟怎么生死离别，我要蓄足体力才行。当然扫荡DFS也早已列如日程，今年的银两要花得更漂亮。
今日一“结”，势必顺来日万事。
5月10日 About the truthSometimes I ask myself: how many truths have I told in my life? And how many truths have I heard about at the same time? You know, when you see a girl who’s not that pretty but is always so dressed up with stunning makeup, do you usually make huge compliments or just smile and walk away? Do you talk about her funny and exaggerating outfit or haircut with your close girlfriends when she’s not around? Under these circumstances, I’m always too weak to hold any truths. I do smile and walk away. And I also talk allot about her with my gals. This is just an instance. What I’m interested in is the damage that could cause if my innocent comments are “accidentally” passed to someone who should not hear about them. So in my whole life, I have gradually established a “system” of relationships linking different people. I assume that all my words would orbit certain precise tracks without any mistakes, like satellites in the space. Sometimes it doesn’t work that way though, but I believe I’m not the only who does this kind of things. Are you one of us?
I guess girls do this, a lot. Especially about those secrets, we just can’t hold for any more minute. We even make friends through those conversations, and enemies, of course. I’ve been trying to “grow up”, since I learned about promise and respect, and even more important, being cool. But when I face my dearest friend and there is no harm or any concern if I tell her/him, I just do it.
Unfortunately things get complicated if it’s not just a problem of being gossip. People get hurt for this, so do I. Because we can’t really ignore everything and say, “I don’t care.” At least I can’t. With all our feelings influencing our daily life, do we really admire those people who don’t care at all, or do we just pity them, secretly? There is no way to find a positive answer. We never know what people are really thinking, do we?
There is something else about truths. That’s the things you hear. When everyone is getting smart and sophisticated, we hear lies because someone is loving us and protecting us. Truths and lies are passed back and forth in such a small world. And people don’t get safer and happier as we thought. So there is no definition of smart and stupid, or easy and difficult. It is only us that get exhausted and don’t believe anything even ourselves any more. Maybe now it’s easier to forgive, as we all have sins in this life.
So I’m trying to do two things now. I don’t give any promise to someone who is not that closer than someone I really care and want to share secrets and intimacies with. Besides, I’ll always trust people I love and protect. Life is short. I don’t have time to waste it. 5月1日 ButterfliesButterflies come in springs. When it gets warm, we often see them flying around those beautiful blooming flowers. Their coming is a sign, representing some changes, some waiting, and some wishes, as it does. Springs always come when we’re sick of waiting for it, and getting used to those difficult winters. Maybe butterflies are not the most meaningful creature in that season, but they are always there. I still remember that traffic accident my family and I had in a mountain almost ten years ago. It was winter, full of coldness and fears. I didn’t see any visible hurt until I saw blood coming from my mom’s arms. It was not the broken window. It was the glass of a broken container of those precious butterfly specimens. That was the time I knew, the butterflies are always there, protected by fragile containers.
Butterflies stay in our stomachs. You feel it when you get nervous, incredulous, or hesitated. You even feel it when you’re having a cup of flat white sitting in those peaceful afternoons, with nothing running in your head. You can hear it. The sound keeps you conscious, from time to time, when you are almost drunk in some false hopes. Or, it sometimes drags you into those incredible messes, and reminds you those ridiculous beliefs. You never know, since when it became part of your mind and your life. It is those butterflies that danced through all my body when I saw my lover. I could hear the sound of wings, telling me to believe, to adventure, and to enjoy. I never noticed when the sound winded me up into desperation. Sometimes they did fly away, while I still headed into obsession.
Butterflies don’t actually exist. Well it does make this sound crazy, but it just makes more senses. People see what they see, hear what they hear. It’s too damn hard for us to practice any more imagination, alone. I want to make a confession. I’m not a putting-on-makeup-everyday kind of girl. Yes, you may see me look fabulous in those photos or in front of you when we’re hanging out. But it is not me, all the time. It hit me when some girl, who only saw me once, ran into to me and got noticed when I was without any makeup the other day. I smiled, because she was not the person who really knows me and loves me. As to my makeup days, that’s just my non-existing butterfly, suddenly flying around my mirror and telling me to live a fictional life. That’s not even my future. I’m still a lazy gal. I’m too fat to hold those powder boxes. I’d rather stay in bed and get myself unconscious all day long. Now you know the truth, but I don’t guarantee my butterfly never comes out and get things wild again, ever.
Because of my butterflies, I’ll never officially lose weight and keep fit all my life. |
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