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October 22 My B'day Plan I suddenly wanted to go for a picnic when I got up just now. I wanna find a peacefull park on a small, green hill. I wanna buy some expensive cherries and a beautiful picnic basket. I 'll make sandwiches by myself, putting eveything I can get into that two pieces of wholemeal bread. I'll put on makeup and wear my new minipants. For the whole day, Mr. X can fish right beside the lake, and I'll just lie on the grass looking at the sky. Maybe we don't talk much, but we must be very happy.
I'll probably bring my camera. So I can record the beautiful time that I have on my first day of being 23. So that I can remember, no matter who will make me cry, no matter what will bring me disappointment, I can always have a wonderful day with everything I want by my side. I still can lie down on the grass and enjoy a peaceful afternoon. I don't have to worry if someone will interrupt because no one knows where we are. We may forget to bring something that we planned to bring, but we won't think that'd be a big deal.
Then I can start my 23 with brand new courage and unlimited hope. I'll try to forget the past and move on. I'll learn the existance of beauty, the meaning of time. I'll capture every piece of sunshine when I feel blue. I'll sing a song when my heart feels empty. No matter how hard it would be in the future, I'll always find my way of looking for freedom and happiness. Besides, I won't be alone. Someone will always sit quietly by my side, when I need one moment to be sad. October 17 希望你看得见。 你说你那里的天气变得好快。我这里也是的。要记得天寒加衣。
我知道你不常来。如果你终究看不见,就当我对自己写一份检讨。
事实证明我确实太不了解你。我太自大,太糊涂。我以为自己身在很远的地方,你还是触手可及。为什么与我们无关的事情,会让你觉得这世间苍凉,物是人非。还是怪我从始至终被娇宠至极的惯性,被你,被别的人。每次将满载的心事洒落一地,也不曾问过你是否有兴趣听。我忘了我要你开心。也从未意识到我们早已不在同一个世界,我们早已不再共享。我还在简单地渲染过去,那些记忆中不曾离开的你的笑脸,你的字字坚定,你的冷漠和热情,就算岁月褪成苍白我都依然碎碎念。其实我只是在自欺,你的名字你的个性你的身份,都被我放肆地修改和塑造,于是我可以让你保护,我可以让别人知道我很骄傲。原来你自有你的喜恶,你是站在云端漠然垂首的那个人,你只是随性拾起那段缘分,不知不觉经营起来。直到现在,不是你要故意远离,是我错过太多时机。自然你嘲笑了我,鄙视了我,放弃了我。我让你失望。
但我不是没有长大。一年一年的路你在那一端走,我也在这一端走。关于一些过去的事情,既然没有能力周全,就尽力做好最重要的部分。我忘记得很快。我只是用力记住更远的事情。
如果你也记得。你一定了解。
October 06 我来听他的演唱会 这是我第一次看张学友的演唱会。不知道是不是最后一次。
坐在前排很好的位置,我可以看见他的距离,恐怕也是这辈子和他最近的距离。原来现场的他和CD声道里的他是一样的,不过更有穿透力。他脸上的汗水在舞台灯光下闪闪发光,可我几乎听不见他用力的喘气。他问我们讲国语还是广东话好,现场的气氛还是在他讲广东话的时候来得热烈。尤其当他讲述关于自己写的四首歌,我才发现原来这个男人也只是个最平凡的父亲、老公和朋友而已。说不定,他不怕人们忘记他的歌,他的人。他一抬手,就是一片荡气回肠。后半场短小精干一场音乐剧,竟如此毫无瑕疵。
最后一首《祝福》。我和徐先生决定,今后再也不追星了。 |
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